i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
