I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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