i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize