***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
