I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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