my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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