did you get engaged???
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
