I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize