I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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