I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
