Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize