I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
