I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
