I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
