After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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