i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As shirtless as possible
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
