So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
