just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
