I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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