I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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