there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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