I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I touched a dick in church today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
