Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
