So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
