i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
