Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
