i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
