he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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