Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
