This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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