Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
