I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
