we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
