You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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