Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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