dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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