Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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