You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
