maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bring me that man meat
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
