We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
