For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
