Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My liver just broke up with me...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize