it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
