yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
