this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
