i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
