So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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