Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
