they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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