You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
high people should be assigned attendants
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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