when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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