I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
