Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
