dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
