Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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