and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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