I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
