You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she woke up with a sticky ear
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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