i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
