Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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