Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize