i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
