He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
