This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
