Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just pynch a tree in the face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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