What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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