U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
