I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
