i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
