guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
nutella sex= disaster
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
