You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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