Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Jerry, you need to find god
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
