OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
