It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
