I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
