barbara walters just said penis...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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