btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
