Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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