sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
