If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
