I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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