oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
