reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
