I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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