I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
