I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
