i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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