my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
