ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
