guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
