His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
