It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
